I’m sure no one reading this ever fights with each other. I’m sure all you lovely engaged people can’t imagine fighting over anything. (Except who loves each other more.) Trust me though, the day will come when one of you does something wrong. It may start out over how you fold the towels. The next thing you know you are screaming at each other about who brought the worst in-laws to the family. Conflict is normal. How you handle it though can have a HUGE impact in what your marriage is like.
Not long after we were married Danielle and I found out something about each other.
We don’t always agree. (Shocking right.)
At first we had “normal” fights. The kind where you say things you don’t mean and do your best to win. Little by little we realized this may not be the best way to resolve conflict. Over the years, we have practiced fighting and are now actually pretty good at it. I have learned not to spout every thought that pops into my head. Danielle has learned to be brave and say the things she is thinking. Most importantly, we have realized that neither one of us is “out to get” the other. Disagreements in marriage SHOULD happen. They show that you are still capable of forming your own thoughts from time to time. If you are in a relationship that NEVER has conflict, then more than likely, you are in a shallow relationship.
Listen. Marriage is hard. Really, really hard. I know right now you may be neck deep in guest lists, mason jars, and overwhelmed with the amount of options your florist is providing you. The thing to keep in mind is that you are starting a marriage. Marriage is a constant balance of being yourself and being whatever your spouse needs you to be. The longer we are married, the more we understand when to give and when to take. We have learned that disagreements are normal. How we handle them though will determine how long we stay married. AND… the longer we stay married, the more we can argue about who loves each other the most.
4 AWESOME books on how to resolve conflict.
How to Fight Fair in Your Marriage and Win (Kindle)
The Book of Romance: What Solomon Says About Love, Sex, and Intimacy
From Anger to Intimacy: How Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage
Buy them. Read them. Become a better fighter.